That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
