I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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