My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
