I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
