remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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