Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
