I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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