U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
