You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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