my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
