I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
