hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
