The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
