Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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