Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
