He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
