after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
