don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
