I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
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Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
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If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize