I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
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yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
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Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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