i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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