Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
