I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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