Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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