i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
They took my balls.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Randomize
