the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
