stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
