end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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