dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
