How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
