so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
