K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
