i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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