the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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