would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Your penis caused this!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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