Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
