also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
