IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
