yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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