He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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