how can u be prego again
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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