i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
