For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she peed on how many people?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
