Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
did i walk over a car last night?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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