sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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