I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
