Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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