why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
