You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
