"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
