but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
