I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
