I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
