is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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