I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
