Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize