Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
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Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
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Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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