And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
