there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
