sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
