he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
