the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
