the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
