Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
