I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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