I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
