the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
