I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
