where am i from again
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
