literally had 100 drinks last night.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
