The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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