Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
