I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I DEMAND FORESKIN
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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