I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
