so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
