Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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