I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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