How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
