My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.