well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!