I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
this just has baby written all over it
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Drunk is not a location!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.