Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
