My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.