He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
