She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
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Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
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Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.