Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
