i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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