i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
