You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
